I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
