I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
