So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
