If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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