Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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