they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
