Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
