so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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