She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
