Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
