i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
