You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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