I skipped work to stalk him.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
