We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
