They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
