shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
