you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
vagina is talking i cant
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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