shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
