glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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