this boner is exhausting
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
