I need help removing her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
