you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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