when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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