I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
