I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
