I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
