No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
