4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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