I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
