the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
