Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
