Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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