I've blown a few things in my day
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
