I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
