The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
