Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
