saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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