man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
