Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
