Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
