smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
