wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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