P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
