I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
