Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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