Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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