i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
