her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
