that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
