last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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