if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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