Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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